Hi, my name is Les,
So that you know I'm a real person, above is a collection of a few real pictures of me and my family. My wife, my 2 stepsons, our daughter and our chihuahua Onyx, along with a couple of drawings from our little artist and as you can see, her world is her family.
This is extremely personal but I wanted to put this out there and share my story about MENTAL AWARENESS and ILLNESS because I know I'm not alone in dealing with a loved one who suffers from this illness.
This is the short version of our story. How it all began, why this was created and why I'm here.
My wife and I met in 2012 and I swear, it was love at first sight! This was meant to be! I finally had the girl of my dreams. Sweet, loving and beautiful and even though she was dealing with some issues in her life, I wanted to do everything in my power to help her because I loved her and she was worth it. I mean, no one's perfect. I had issues of my own that I was dealing with.
I was my wife's "knight in shining armor" so to speak. I helped her get out of her situation, helped her get custody of her 2 boys and provided a safe and loving home for us all. Something they had never had before.
In 2015, when she was pregnant with our daughter, we decided to get married and that was one of the best days of my life. Nothing fancy, but I finally felt like I was doing things the right way and was "truly" happy. What more could a man ask for. I had the job, the car, the beautiful wife and a home full of kids and now its time to build on top of that. Living the "LIFE" right?
As happy as we were, there was something wrong. My wife had told me stories of her past and what she went through and why she ended up in the situation that she was in. Being understanding and knowing that my past wasn't the best either, I wanted to make sure that I would always be there for "us". Out with the old and in with the new. Lets make beautiful new memories, together.
But I did notice my wife had issues with communicating with me about certain things and expressing her real feelings and would either shut down or get real emotional(crying) over little things. It was like night and day with her mental state. It would get really bad at times, more often than not, and she couldn't explain it. She would often say to me, "I don't know why I'm crying over this." She would even say she often asked or told herself not to cry about it but then in the moment would lose control. I could see that she felt like she was losing grip of "herself".
Not really understanding MENTAL ILLNESS myself, sometimes I didn't know what to do or say. I felt like just being there for her was my best offense, and sometimes defense. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, or even got easier as we grew together. It was tough to deal with and only got harder as time went by, but all I could do was keep trying to get my wife to "just talk to me" and be there for her.
Our oldest son(my stepson) was dealing with a lot of mental and behavioral issues as well, being diagnosed with things like RADS along with other behavioral issues and was even being tested for autism. His biological father wasn't a significant part of his life and I'm absolutely sure a lot of why he was acting out stemmed from that as he had no problem with taking it out on us, and everyone immediately around him. Even acting out in school. So needless to say, we were dealing with a lot. But as a couple and as parents you fight the good fight and continue to love and take care of one another.
But as time went on, it seemed like it became too much for my wife bare, mentally and emotionally, and things started to rapidly change. I watched, as she's dealing with her doctors and therapists over the years, that nothing seemed to be working and I knew it was because she wasn't being as open as she needed to be in order for them to help. I also noticed that they had my wife on a ton of different meds and they would affect her differently. But eventually she became numb and completely shut me out. She even advised her doctors that she would no longer continue to take her meds because they kept switching them on her.
Off of her meds, and now not in her right mind, my wife completely changed into someone else, turned on me and our family and the beautiful life we built "together". She walked out on our marriage and disappeared with our children all our valuables and destroyed our beautiful home, that I worked so hard to provide for us.
My wife had been tested and diagnosed with several serious mental disorders and I was not aware of how quickly things could turn for the worse without the proper treatment and medicine.
My mistake was that I should've paid more attention and got more involved with her MENTAL ILLNESS in order to better help my wife cope and not feel so alone. I should've done the research, myself, to get a better understanding in order to better help the woman I so dearly love. The usual "It'll be OK" and the "we'll be alright" was not good enough. I should've cried with her and held her more. I should've reached out to her doctors myself to see what more I could be doing to help. There is so much more I wish I would've done. If only I would've known. Again, these are not things that I was familiar with, until now.
I miss my family dearly. I miss what we once were. She had been on some of her medications for our entire relationship but wasn't taking them consistently. Maybe because we were happy in the moment. But I think not being consistent with her meds and her treatment allowed something to brew that neither one of us was prepared for and I know as long as she is not on her medicine consistently, she is lost.
So, yes, I still fight for my family every single day. Hoping they are safe and that we will be reunited one day.
So I fight!
As I'm fighting for my family, looking for help and watching the world in utter chaos, I'm also noticing a lack of awareness, care, understanding, protection, did I say AWARENESS( can't stress that enough) and compassion, for people, human beings, that are suffering from MENTAL ILLNESS and seeing how its destroying families. And it just seems like not enough of the world cares until it happens to them or it's too late.
Like that mother, and so many others, that call the police to come help their loved one because they're having a MENTAL breakdown and they end up in jail or shot and killed. The police were called for help, not to come arrest or murder their loved ones. How does that help? What they needed was a doctor or trained professional in that particular field. What about the large number of homeless people living on the streets because they don't have the capacity, mentally, to finish school, or get a job. Or even that "crazy" uncle who comes out of the house naked and actin' a fool at the family BBQ. He might not be crazy and may actually be autistic and/or suffering from other MENTAL ILLNESSES.
There are so many signs that are missed and sometimes we just don't recognize them or understand because its not happening to us directly and we don't see it until it's too late. That's what happened to me.
So now, everyday, in the search to find my family and get my wife help, I try to promote MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS, better MENTAL HEALTH and better living and lifestyle choices. I want to do my part to help and maybe, just maybe, I can change someone's life for the better. Or, at the least, make someone's day better. Sometimes that makes all the difference.
-I know I'm not alone in this fight-
I was inspired to build this site based off of my research in trying to find answers and searching for a way to be better at helping my wife and others. And to help myself as well. I now know what depression feels like.
I've come across so many things that, from my research, has helped me on this MENTAL AWARENESS and ILLNESS journey and has been known and/or proven to help others. Some things are just friendly and helpful suggestions as everyone's situation is different. But every effort is worth trying, depending on the type of help you need.
I am not a doctor, therapist, psychologist or anything like that and have no certifications in this field or any other like this. I am just a man on a mission to help my family and possibly help others by providing options and promoting products, some that I've used and/or experienced personally or through others and some that I haven't, "yet", but am sure will help others that are dealing with or know someone that's dealing with MENTAL ILLNESS and the adverse affects it has on families and individuals.
Thanks for being here. It's a start in the right direction to a better life~
~Sincerely,
Les
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